Life and Death, Sorrow and Joy
In Spring of 1998, Chris and I learned we were expecting our first child together. We were beyond excited, especially me! I had wanted to be a mom ever since I could remember. The next several months were filled with joy, and I loved seeing and feeling our baby grow.
Unlike me, Chris was born and raised in Tennessee. His parents and sister live here, and so did his grandparents on his mom’s side. We spend a lot of time with Chris’s family and had a tradition of going to church on Sundays, then eating at his grandparents’ house with the whole family and spending the day together. I couldn’t wait for our baby to be a part of this and get to know and be a part of this family, as I had.
In October, a few months before Cameron was born, Chris’s grandfather (Pa) was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. Now, instead of dreaming of Cameron helping Pa in his garden, or going for rides in Pa’s blue Ford pickup, I found myself just hoping that Pa would live long enough to meet his great grandson.
Soon, Pa was hospitalized and we spent that Christmas at Summit Hospital. We took all of our gifts and shared Christmas day together in his hospital room, just loving each other and trying to cherish every moment that we had left with him.
Pa’s health began to deteriorate. On January 14, 1999, Cameron made his entrance into this world. He was beautiful, he was healthy, and he brought us so much joy amidst a time of great sadness.
Soon after Cameron and I were released from the hospital, we made our way to Summit hospital to see Pa. I handed my newborn baby to my mother-in-law and she placed her new grandson into her Father’s arms. By this time, Pa was very weak and not very responsive, but we watched as his fragile hand patted Cameron’s tiny bottom. A few days later (exactly a week after Cameron was born), Pa passed away, surrounded by his whole family…including his newborn great-grandson. I will always believe he hung on to life until he could meet our son.
I often tell people that I never truly knew what the term bittersweet meant until I experienced life and death and joy and deep sorrow all in the same week. I hadn’t understood until that week that joy and sorrow aren’t opposites, but partners. You can’t really know one without the other.
It makes me mindful of a great truth that Christian joy does not die when sorrows abound. Joy and sorrow, in the Christian life, do not happen separately but together, hand in hand.
I tried to put this in words, with a poem I wrote shortly after Cameron’s birth and Pa’s death:
Circle of Life
A tiny bud blossoms
Its beauty ascends
A tired sun sets
Another day ends
Beginnings and endings
Like hand and glove
Joy and sorrow
Both stem from love
A tiny new life
Welcomed to Earth
Joyfully anticipated
From conception to birth
At the same time
Another life fades
"It’s time to come home,"
The loving Father bades.
Hearts open wide
Accepting new life
And hearts letting go
Overwhelmed with strife
One life ends
As another one starts
Both etching memories
Deep in our hearts
The circle of life
From beginning to end
Each on the other
Always depends
A tiny bud blossoms
Its beauty ascends
A tired sun sets
Another day ends.